last random musing of the year

a colleague invited some of us to her place to have a potluck lunch yesterday. it was a simple gathering, but at the same time an opportunity to get to know them other than at the workplace setting. they are early to mid-thirties asian immigrants (from hongkong, malaysia, and vietnam) with two small kids for each couple. two couples had some exposure to cn-ity, but it wasn't personal for them. so, i was rather curious how the convos might turn the fact that they are at a different age group and stage of life than mine, plus being non-indo and non-cn. an interesting mix.

by the end of the gathering (btw, this is not meant to be rocket-science, you are probably aware of it to an extend), i found that people are interested in talking about the challenges brought by a particular stage of life people are at. so, it's only sensible that they touched base on issues like properties, kids' schooling, the working regime which could all be summed up under the umbrella of 'raising your family'. it wasn't as if the weight of the convos was pulled down heavily in this direction, but there was at least a hint of 'keeping up with the joneses' flavour being implicated throughout (it's hard not to, this is a very much human tendency). i had off course been a couple of times involved in group convos (though more so listening than talking) where people treated these subject matters as if these are all that matter (cns are no exception!).

remarkably, i found them to be quite accommodating, somehow more than the typical indo gatherings i had been. the rest of them speak cantonese, not so me (not even a hint!), but i wasn't too left out in the convos. Some of them made more sense through the way they talk.

i guess my point is not to compare between us and them, or that making a generalisation that they are somehow a nicer group to be in. one gathering shouldn't justify.

it will be however appealing that cn groups live out what mark us as cn, being salt and gracious as we relate to others in cn or non-cn settings. we can talk about the things of this world (after all, it's still our present reality and in fact, these things are points of contact toward non-cns) but they are not the centre of our life. we can make more sense because we have the truth, so to speak (forgive the sounding of rightful exclusivity, but cns don't make this claim, it's from the Bible). we can be enjoyable people to hang out with but fun is not the essence of things (in fact, we stick when one suffers).

i guess being an introvert, it's out of my league to be an initiator or the dominant voice in a convo. if you're such person, take the chance, just be a cn in your convos! (and you have my backing, for sure, just don't sound like a scratched cd, mind you).

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let the music speak

of thy greatness!

i went with mien on friday to enjoy a performance in the sydney opera house. it was brought by the australian philharmonic orchestra that consists of fifty talented musicians including the conductor. there were also one soprano, one tenor, one baritone, a young violinist and a choir of a hundred people bringing roughly twenty pieces of awesome performances with much touch of professionalism and experiences. it lasted for three hours with fifteen minutes intermission in the middle.

the whole performance was wrapped in a vienna theme, showcasing the waltz, polka, and marching rhythms. europe has a rich history of arts.

it all sounds rather cultured, apart from i had to walk barefeet on my way back from the bus stop to home. i chose to walk down the small path and after a few lookbacks, the walk seemed to be quiet enough in a broad summer daylight to take off my sleek semi-covered high-heels (not that high at all!). oh, and i smiled to an elderly taking a stroll with her grand-daughter as we passed on each other. four of my toes blistered! needless to say, i'm no beauty queen at heart ;)

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the tomatoes are in season..

look, the whole fam is enjoying the succulent tomatoes from the backyard, thanks to bro!
it took three months of constant care like raking the soil, seeding, staking, watering, spraying for pests, pruning, and finally reaping..

one of the two types planted is the black russian tomatoes (see pic).
there are many of them from fifteen to twenty plants. some yield really big ones.

almost a year ago, i had the faintest idea to test if gardening is in my blood. so i bought two packets of seeds consisting of mixed garden salad and baby carrots. However, as time goes by, the seeds were never released off their packages. they die down with my sometimes pragmatic philosophy. so my bro took over the project. he bought some tomato and chilly seeds. he attends to them daily after work. he drags along his wife. he watches things grow. he just enjoys doing it!

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what a year it has been!

some highlights:

- family under God's care. a few things from people's sharings this year has been spurring me in being persistent in pleading to God for their sake. needless to say, i treasure every sustained 'chaotic' moments that life has to offer being in a big family setting. what a joy to help and be helped!

- the friendships that God brought along at workplace. i thought people's openness and eagerness to listen (not) more than i'm willing to share Christ at the first place is a priceless lesson indeed.

- the fortnightly prayer meetings organised by ecom. it's encouraging to meet like-minded cns to support one another in our witness at work.

- the weekly bible study peers. thanking God for His providence that together we are given the opportunities to grow in the knowledge of Christ. and for God's blessings really even in the physical term: azar, eileen and nat graduated in flying colors from college and uni, cyn goes to bible college next year, nat got a job recently, selda keeps coming back for more (hopefully! wierd as this sounds!), moi having the priviledge to see that God's at work in their life.. (breath in, breath out - a sign of unstable emotional pressure in chest, not necessarily a bad thing, btw).

- the cn friends for our love (and hate :) -ing relationships. it's amazing how God is able to mould His people at church! thank God for the warning and assurance in 1 John 2.

some lowlights:

yes, there have been one or two (and they hurt! writing these makes me teary once again, but it's for my sanity that i acknowledge this, since when did i speak like a psycholog?). and it's dissapointing to have to 'sacrifice' (i'm sure it's not the most precise wording i could have been using and i must say i'm not the only 'victim' here, any unheart perspectives count, so to speak) some friendships, partly due to my conscience and partly for a few prayers said that God allowed in perceiving the much ungodliness involved in people's life and myself included. a blessing in disguise, it made me realise and appreciate more of God's loving action in sacrificing His own Son for sinners like me and you who cause much troubles yet escape unharm.

ps. i forbid anyone to comment on the lowlights, it's a close chapter of my life. i appreciate the unexpressed symphaty, if any (breath in, breath out..).

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--> here to : more to christmas.com

have a blessed christmas! i hope you've found that very reason to celebrate.
if not, why not read from the Gospel Mark and see for yourself.


EMMANUEL HAS COME
(lyrics by Don Moen)

Christmas is about his glory
Christmas is about his grace
Christmas is a gift of love
Our Father gave us

More than just another story
About a special time and place
Christmas is a time to lift a song of praise

FOR GOD IS WITH US
AND WE CELEBRATE THE GLORY OF HIS PRESENCE
CHRIST HAS COME, TO FILL OUR HEARTS WITH LOVE
HE CAME TO SAVE US
KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS HIS NAME IS JESUS
GOD WITH US EMMANUEL HAS COME

Angels filled the night with singing
God is reaching out to man
Bringing us a gift of hope
In Christ our Savior

More than just a time of giving
This is God's eternal plan
And christmas is the reason
We can sing again

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may be feasible after all

i'll be working with half brain until christmas break, so i've decided to do myself a favor to use the other half trying to listen to online sermons. i've got to say it's not so easy this time to multitask as was in the past, but i'll try anyway.

i'm trying to read a biography during the christmas break. if you have a suggestion or the book that you think is quite interesting, just let me know. i'm having a few books (or articles from blogs/magazines) that i'm reading simultaneously at the moment. among them are 'the spectator's guide to world religions' and 'nothing in my hand i bring'.

christmas is close, and thought i'll do something quite simple that i had not been very good at doing in the past. i've got a pack of christmas cards that i bought the other day, and trying to give them away to not so familiar people that i am used to hanging out with (i.e. non church friends). It still takes me some time to think what to write (i haven't got a clue, btw!) and whether to also put a tract/invitation to church christmas service alongside the card. i want it to be distinctly cn (read: unlike the politically correct way of celebrating christmas where the meaning is lost to the individual liking) but not too overtly that it scares the recipients off. i've off course thought of 'seducing' them with a small amount of chocolate in return to counter any effect that they will indirectly feel toward (eh, i should not dob myself in) . i need to do a little bit more in term of the packaging. and i'm rather clueless where to get some materials from.

do you have an idea or two? what are you thinking of doing, something simple to be assertive or carpe diem during christmas this year? it will be good to share your ideas around, as a stock of ideas for next year perhaps.

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a thanksgiving dinner

i attended ecom's thanksgiving dinner this tuesday. it wasn't surprising to find out that many prayers which were woven into the meeting would be so encouraging. the prayer subjects vary from ecom's activities, supporters' sharings, ecom's staffs, still some other general thanksgiving items. God has certainly been blessing the ministry of ecom throughout the year, as He always has, despite some challenges. there was also a brief bible talk taken from 2 cor. 2:14-3:6.

it has been a positive one!

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from someone who doubts my sense of humor *

kudos to God for changing His people!

personal testimony really is powerful. thanks for sharing, hyn :)
ephesians 1 captures my thought as I read it.

* my sincere apology that you only see things in black and white.
but, you're right, so black is that sin that left to ourselves, we're powerless.
it's overwhelming that there's every spiritual blessing in Christ, isn't it?

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fully sick!

mtvjapan.com ahahahA!

i watched four episodes yesterday, and four today before kicking my brain off to work. it makes me more productive afterward having recharged with a surge of 'happy' hormones. looking forward to yet another day.. charming!

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the latest goss in town!

[image courtesy of christmas committee]

calling all gossip-queens to take a stand!
or you might as well do it quietly..
(drop me a line if you would like to spare some time praying for christmas, so i can forward you with a list of prayer points to pick from).

you won't miss out!

5pm, 1st December 2007
Christmas Celebration, Scots Church

6pm, 24th December 2007 (English)
Christmas Eve Service, Kingsford Church

5pm, 25th December 2007
Christmas Day Service, Randwick Church

5pm, 31st December 2007
New Year’s Eve, Kingsford Church

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engage

interview of azar and dave on engage. both are pemuda members.

Azar, You just finished the university recently. First of all, how do you feel?
A: Relieved, happy, excited, kinda worried, anxious, stressed?
What are you doing now?
A: Working in uni as a research assistant for an academic.

Tell us what you do, Dave?
D: Dave is finalizing thesis, waiting 4 it 2b printed etc. I will have a proper job soon.

What makes you attend Engage about two weeks ago?

A: Going for conferences n getting equipped with God’s word is always good, and since I’m currently working (and will soon enter the “real” working world, the topics in engage should be pretty relevant to me now and in the future.

D: Dave been interested to learn as much as possible about the bible and listening to preachers, especially invited speakers from overseas, is a good opportunity to do that.

What were you all basically doing up there for three days in the mountain during the Engage conference?

D: I am not a girl, but I’ve always enjoyed going 2 the mountains.

What have you learnt from Engage 2007 about God and yourself?

A: I’ve been reminded that the cycle of life as it is, has been there and will forever be as it is (i.e. birth as a baby, childhood, growing up, teen years, uni years, working years, adult years, family, old years, and finally death). It’s inevitable, and without God, there’s simply no meaning to it

D: Without God life is meaningless and without God everything in this world is never enough. I learn that acknowledging God in my life will result in contentment rather than an endless cycle of meaningless strive after the unreachable goal of self satisfaction. What I learned from the talks mainly is about the importance of putting God first into our life before everything else that we think might satisfy our wants.

How have these been relevant to your working life?

A: I’ve been reminded to put my entire life in perspective, particularly in light of eternity. Is everything that I’m doing really worth it (i.e. has eternal value) or am I just going with the flow and that I’ve lost the plot (God and eternity). Have my love for God become dim and lost its initial sparkle due to the business of life.. was a good reminder.

D: As many of us do, we are expected to work long hours to achieve excellent results. In the lab this could be a trap because the workplace is open 24/7 and any data will be rewarded. So the result is directly proportional to the amount of effort put in. I suppose, being able to know when to work long hours and the consequences of that extra time working towards our relationship with God and other people is important.
One other important matter is that, I was reminded to be an example of Jesus in the workplace, so that others will see that we are different and we are different because of Christ.

Have you noticed anything changed since the past two weeks, maybe yourself, your attitude to work, your desire to glorify God at work, your keenest and struggles in sharing Christ to work colleagues?

A: Hmm.. if anything’s changed, it’s probably my attitude to work, well, since my current job is a temp job with “no future” and a rather unorganized and demanding boss, sometimes I just get SO sick of it that I just can’t be bothered to put in the effort I should. I’ve been reminded that my work should be to glorify God wherever I am, so, in everything that I do at work, my ultimate goal should be to glorify God and not to get ahead, or sometimes even getting annoyed with colleagues over little meaningless issues. Reminded to promote a Christlike life to my colleagues and to focus more on bringing them to Christ.

D: Better discipline on reading the Bible and spending time with God.

I assume you’ll be coming back to Engage next year in August. Is there anything that you are particularly looking forward to in term of next year’s Engage?

A: Sure thing! I’m looking forward to hear more of God’s word, to be refreshed and equipped with more applications for us in the working world.. hahaha.. I’m assuming that I’ll be working properly by the time the next engage conference comes up :P looking forward to that too

D: Don Carson will be speaking, I will hopefully improve my poker skills to take on the boys.

Any prayer points?

A:
to remember to put everything in life in the perspective of eternity
to remember that promoting Christ and bringing people to Christ in my working life should be my ultimate goal and not to solely get ahead or succeed

D:
To be bold in proclaiming the gospel and to have to courage to preach the gospel both in word and in deeds.

Dear Father, thank you for grace that we can be challenged by Your word through the Engage conference. Thank you for blessing us with our work and healthy body to earn our living.

Azar – we pray for Azar that you’ll help her to remember putting everything in life in the perspective of eternity. We ask you keep reminding her that promoting Christ and bringing people to Christ in her working life should be her ultimate goal and not to solely get ahead or succeed. We pray that you’ll help her to be godly at work as she relates to others. Father, please also bless her with another job at the proper time .

Dave – we also ask for our brother Dave, that you’ll help him to be bold in sharing Christ to others, be it through words or deeds. Help Dave to put You first in his life and to find true contentment in You alone. May you open the eyes of those surround Him that they may be able to see that the differences in his life is because of Christ.

We also ask for all of us here that you’ll help us to glorify you as students or workers. We pray for more opportunities toward the coming weeks that we may be sharing you to our family and friends who haven’t come to know you. In Jesus name, we ask.

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sunset

in gold coast.

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the giant drop

120m in 5 secs!

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snippets of past two weeks

i can't write properly in the meantime, so i'm just rambling on!

sydney:
i fall in love with the beaches, just sitting there admiring the spacious sea and sky and the perfect horizon ahead, better still, if accompanied by books to read. my steps are lighter now if i'm to trail along shopping centres. however, i'm still kinda sucked at shopping (i find it boring after a while). oh, my brain is lame.. (read: this is so much i can write, sorry to disappoint).

gold coast:
don't ask me how, but i'd managed to easily persuade myself riding on most giant rides at the theme parks (dreamworld and movieworld). and i've kinda forgotten how they feel now! infinity is quite interesting. i'd eaten too much spaghetti, numbering four times in four days. sydney is certainly more glamour than brisbane.

siblings:
my bro (hansen) is good at getting deals (if that means he has to research before transactions to happen) and directions.

i observed that my eldest bro (handy) has a perfectionist trait within him. i can see myself in him sometimes, only that i've rather given up a little of the urge as of late. we've also had similar taste in term of food and style. surprisingly, he has shown much more of a leader quality than he was in the past.

little convos here and there touching on cn-ity with sis-in-laws. passed on chinese 'two ways to live' (gospel tract) to dad. still pray for family to come to know God, seem far away. bro bought God Delusion out of curiosity. i hope it creates gospel convos.

ps. first day back to work, i am sent to visit client site far far away in regents park for the whole week.. oh well.

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that's all, folks!

left to right - hansen (bro), elly (sis-in-law), andreas (bro-in-law), caleb (nephew), hanny (sis), handy (bro), thing (sis-in-law), vyie

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howdy-doddy-doin?

back from squandering the worldly inherintance
my back, my back, why have you forsaken me..

still have half a week of day-offs. i've been out everyday for almost two weeks now. so, my brain is still kinda hazy, and i procrastinate on things by blogging on this entry. i'm also easily distracted to mend countless of daily's to-dos, and the many appointments that i have yet to make.

i have been out with siblings going around sydney and gold coast. needless to say, even short travel like this make me feel that my brain becomes kinda rusty. i hardly checked on news, i read no books, i spent time eating, seeing and doing things (some nonetheless are new experiences), and as far as matters go, it makes me long for yet another rest before i can get back to routines. i guess i'm on a very slow pace this time around. (and yet learning to be relationship-oriented than task-oriented, something not my very own nature, i must admit).

the time spent with siblings are great however. and so perhaps a few more occasional posts to come depends on how much time i've got left later.

i so need to spend some time sorting out prayer points for a couple of things. and spend some time actually praying them. if anything God is teaching me this year, prayer is one.

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got things

so folks, won't be blogging for a while..

in the mean time, look what i've found! from the "lost and found" section of the blogsphere ;)
these peeps have been keeping things quiet for a while, and i go gung-ho at them without asking for their permissions first! i guess anything that's in the web is meant to be disclosed for public consumption, right? (by definition then naty is a super-organised freak * who is also good at being secretive! wow.. an.. under..cover?!)

epel (self-confessed nerd.. friends are rare to be found)
hin (God bless her on her birthday! today is)
mien (again?!)
naty (anyone got a hack to this site? gimme.. gimme..)

* the table-clock in her bedroom, my gosh, 20 mins faster! and the rest of them are at least 10 mins ahead. i got fooled for once and thought to myself how i hate myself for being so naive at times (off course, she is called naty!). what happened was, last sunday, i wake at 6.30 am getting ready for church, and 25 mins later, with a holier-than-thou face, she told me that 'that clock' was 20 mins faster, gah! i was so sleep depraved..

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i could be next?

yep, another one. still happening..

a younger guy this time, i don't know his problem. i know a little of what could be, but i don't want to assume. at first, i thought he is having a flu or something, judging by the sound produced, it isn't. i can't look at his face, he is facing the opposite direction of my seat.

all these people i've just mentioned sit a radius of 3m from me. what's going on..

btw, my lunch that i usually put in the fridge went missing yesterday, and this morning i found the clean empty container on the kitchen bench. never happen like this before. huh?

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behind life's weariness

my dear readers ought to take heart that lately the postings have a sombre tone to them. yesterday, i saw yet another person at work who broke down in tears. i was in the rest room, and i saw this woman sobbing and her eyes were as red and swelling from a cry. she has just been joining the company a few weeks ago. i thought that she's perhaps crying because she has too much to bear with the family issue internally for she is a single mom. her daughter was sick a week ago. i assume this could be part of it, but she said that it was because she has a lot to do work-wise considering her recently joining. plus, she is unsure if she has been doing things right as the manager that she reports to is taking a rather long leave.

(sigh!)

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suffering with hope

an hour ago, a colleague sitting next to me suddenly broke down in tears. i was confused but soon found out that her young nephew in the states was killed in a car crash. she first learnt of the news yesterday from a relative but only had the courage to read of the tragic news via the internet this morning. he wasn't a blood related nephew. he was the only child in the family and the only grandson for her husband's uncle. however, her daughter knew the deceased well and she had been crying many times since yesterday. she is at the moments at lost for words to give a phone call to the deceased's mom.

according to her, he was a good lad. she lamented over the silly cause of the death. he was young and hopeful. i remembered my voice was shaking as i tried to share a little about the hope in Christ. death is indeed a mockery of all of human achievements. but that's not all, Christ rose from the death. we can trust Him to pass from this world and into peace with God. i'm sure she is on the same page when i mentioned that we never know when our time is up but we can indeed prepare ourselves into it. she concluded that we can't do anything about it before i continued sharing what i believe.

i'm praying that God may be at work in her to be seeking Him while the opportunity is still open. i can think of two follow-up opportunities. firstly, this wednesday the topic of the talk at CBF's north sydney is suffering with hope. and secondly, pass on these resources to her - simon manchester's At a Time Like This: Some answers for Loss and Grief and john chapman's Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life.

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thank you mr. bush

i spent the friday long weekends by having a swim at the mq uni swimming pool, cleaning my room, going through the bible study materials and watching a dvd - the pursuit of happiness * (really, a wrong title after all! it's fair to acknowledge the hardship of the protagonist who has no money to survive and was later paid off by the uncrush spirit to persevere).

a tidier room is a real positive. everytime i clean, the aftermath is therapeutic somehow. i think i'm rather 'cursed' that my idea of relaxing always come with having to do something than being idle and lazying under the blanket.

on a less important note, i think the reasons i'm hardly gaining any weights pinned down to these facts below:
- my express metabolism
- it's partly hereditary
- i'm rather an excercise junkie without me realising sometimes
- i don't do snacking very often
- i'm a light sleeper

ps. as i sort out the papers in the shelf of my bedside table, i found a talk outline entitled saved to serve. the other day, i was asked this very question by a girl, whether i have ever thought of the purpose of life. i could have given her a better response (sigh! ...however, i still can come back to her, wayhey...!)

here is a snippet (it was om joe who gave the talk at pemuda):

what's the purpose of life?

* without God:

• achieve as much as possible to make life meaningful and satisfying
• happiness and pleasure

with God:

• seeking to please God - "glorify God and enjoy Him forever"
• the starting point is dealing with sin - we need to be saved from sin. without God we are spiritually dead and without hope.

saved to serve

• the meaning of life is found in serving Jesus and serving one another
• what moves you? Christ's love compels us (2 corinthians 5:14)
• is it the joy of serving or joy in the heart of the one who serves?
• serve or stagnate!

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oh but i succumb to blogsphere, help!

i haven't succumed to facebook yet.

joshua harris voiced out his reasons for bailing out. kinda agree.

c'moen, go ditch friendster! (something ending with -ster doesn't sound right supposedly ;)

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according to an atheist

four days ago a colleague was discussing on atheism over lunch. many points were brought up of why he doesn't believe in a god. his definition of an atheist is simply a person who lacks belief in a god, not necessarily a belief that there's no god. he also thinks that all humans are born as atheists without any fore-knowledge of god. therefore, atheism is a valid proposition since it's the baseline at which life begins. in other words, all religions are simply human's made-up beliefs which validity need questioning.

i have to make a remark that he was polite from the start until the end and his tone of voice wasn't raised as we discussed, a very decent and thinking atheist indeed. he even apologised a couple of times that he wasn't meant to be offensive in anything that he said. eh?

with regard to the cn God, here are some of his objections (loosely quoted):

• what sort of God would allow such cruelty that Jesus who did no wrong was punished harshly for other people's wrong doings.
• God creates evil. why does He allow fatal things to happen to innocent people (i.e. babies killed/abused). this kind of God doesn't deserve to be worshipped.
• if God is a powerful and omniscience God, why didn't He prevent adam and eve from sinning at the first place. it's only fair that He created them so they sinned and deserving punishment. if He foreknew all things, wouldn't that mean that everything is pre-determined, including the fall of humans. God is unfair.
• if there is a God, why doesn't He just show Himself to humans in a way that people can understand or verify of His existence.

other comments:

• the fact that there're more religious people in the world than the atheists doesn't make religions to be right or its validity need not questioning. rather, people are brought up and taught in life of the things that make them feel they need something to believe in. as for me, i don't see that need.
• the Bible was written by humans. we can't believe it to be God's word that we should take everything written as the truth. why believe in miracles anyway, the accounts were written by a person and we can't verify whether they truly happened or not.
• as for the criteria of the evidences that i'm looking for, they need to be something reasonable to the mind and can be personally experienced.
• religions create problematic society. they breed killings and wars.

by the end of the convos, he was given a pamphlet of 'Jesus for the Sceptics' by the Matthias Media and Josh McDowell's More Than a Carpenter. as for how i went through the experience, it was automatical that my mind was kept busy trying to form answers to the objections. this can be unproductive since it halves my learning ability to attend to the things put forward by the other end. and it felt as if i haven't got all the opportunities to answer each objection properly. so it's kinda rushly which has the potential that the other party might not get a full picture and easily digestable responses.

ps. i see that he was moving from 'i lack belief in a god' to 'i don't believe there's a god', whether he realised and liked it or not, have i wrongly assessed? if this is the case, no matter what responses or evidences are given, the person will dismiss them as unqualified evidences.

2 Cor. 4:4
The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

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grieve, mourn and wail

we had a bible study on the overview of the OT on sunday. and so we came to the application part asking on the question regarding holiness. the question goes like this:

throughout this period of history, Israel and her kings refuse to be God's holy people. as followers of Jesus we also are called to be holy (1 Pet. 1:13-16).
a. what does this mean in practical term?
b. how are you going at this? is there any real difference between your life and attitudes and those of your non-cn friends? why, or why not? *

having come to the study thus far, i can only conclude that God's judgement was dead serious as He had been warning since the very beginning. it's a matter of life and death. obedience means life and disobedience will only result in death. however, tainted by adam's sin, it means that human beings have no hope of their own. how great is the love that God has lavished on us that we should be called his children. my imperfect track record will only be swallowed by Christ's perfection. i know this thus far.

ps. i happened to sneak through to the answers of the person sitting next to me (sound dodgy, but i didn't do it on purpose, my eyes were fixed as i turned my head around, sorry hin! :)

* "i don't know. i tried. hahaha"

i thought it was an honest non-textbook answer despite the lack of sound theology (hehe, i'm only kidding!). i ought going back to this question myself as i'd also only been putting a quick thought at it.

James 4:7-10
Submit yourselves then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

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the philosopher's question

[an excerpt from the Solitaire Mystery by Jostein Gaarder - p21]
...

'Where the hell do the likes of us come from? Have you thought about that?' he said, instead of really answering me.

I had thought about it many times, but I knew he wasn't really interested in what I had to say.

So I just let him talk. We had known each other for such a long time, Dad and I, that I had learned it was best that way.

'Do you know what Grandma once said? She said she'd read in the Bible that God is sitting in heaven laughing because people don't believe in Him.'

'Why?' I asked. It was always easier to ask than to answer.

'Okay', he began. 'If a God has created us, then He must regard us as something artificial. We talk, argue and fight, leave each other and die. Do you see? We are so damned clever, making atom bombs and sending rockets to the moon. But none of us asks where we come from. We are just here, taking our places.'

'And so God just laughs at us?'

'Exactly! If we had managed to make an artificial person, and this artificial person started to talk - about the stock market or horse racing - without asking the simplest and most important question of all, namely how everthing had come to be - yes, then we'd have a good laugh, wouldn't we?'

He laught that laugh now.

'We should've read a little more from the Bible, son. After God created Adam and Eve, He went around the garden and spied on them. Well, literally speaking. He lay in wait behind bushes and trees and carefully followed everything they did. Do you understand? He was so enthralled with what He'd made, He was unable to keep His eyes off them. And I don't blame Him. Oh no, I understand Him well.'

...

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feeling lucky?

it's the 2nd time that i left my soya milk in the microwave. i usually drink warm soya milk in the morning due to the chilly weather. the other day, i left it all morning until lunch time that i had to use the microwave again to heat my lunch.

i think this time it's probably i'm trying to multi-task on a few. so despite doing what i'm doing, several times seated at the back of my thoughts are some other agendas, like an automatic mechanism of sorting out the to-do list and a varying degree of garbage collector routines. these happen even when i'm reading despite it being an activity that i enjoy a lot. i need to brain-sync at some stage.

it turned out that as i looked into my back pack yesterday, i have many papers and leaflets that i meant to follow up, the very reason i'm having them in my pack (far from carrying a handbag everywhere! it does tell something about myself, don't you think?).

i think it's a great idea that deb is organising a prayer meeting for women at church this sat.

ps. a friend feels like discussing about atheism over lunch tomorrow if it turns out (ugh!).
and oh btw, i stand by 'not a single shaft can hit till the God of love sees fit'.. so it's not second time lucky or anything like that (that i left my soyamilk in the microwave j/k).

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evangelicals support conversion code

pray that the veil of evil may be lifted up that prevents people to know the truth of the gospel and give their life to Christ.

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express or standard?

epel and hang are the bestest friends. it was hang's birthday on sat.

the time was 0036. and i got an sms "Hang. Selamat ulang tahun. cintaaaamuaacchh.."

where do i fit in the picture?

answer: nowhere apart from being a courier.

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tune-in (to reality)

a girl has to cancel bible study for the rest of the term because she needs to accompany her dad. her uncle passed away suddenly yesterday. it's not easy to explain, again, death is inevitable. ecclesiastes puts it best. for something so confronting and not many have found the answer yet, it's not too pessimistic and all gloomy that the thought of death puts life into perspective for those who are listening. my heart goes out to her. and compare to where i'm at the moment, my problem could just be a speck of dust in the midst of an unlimited spacious grey sky of what others are going through! how utterly unhelpful and selfish to dwell on it and let my age be consumed. now, i think i've just turned into a semi-blues poet for once.

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what time leaving?

ok, this is kinda embarassing if it wasn't for the fact that the recipient is someone I am working with from time to time.

i was intending to send an email to andreas, my bro-in-laws, but the lotus notes picked up the address of the person who has the same first name, but one with a different surname, and i wasn't looking twice!

and so the replied that i got, "i was hoping that i could get out by five."

i mean, thing could have been perceived differently.. off course he's married, with 1.5 kid(s).

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retreat 2007

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end of financial year challenge at work

the company organised a team activity last friday, code-named the metro mayhem (outsourced to a company that provides the service), only known on the day. so we were freed from the workload a quater day of the working hours. if you've seen people running around north sydney and the rocks in several bunches, that was us. there were a couple of tasks that require reading the instructions and achieving the end results by working together. despite having three managers in our group, we came up the second last. the most probable reason is that we're a bunch of low profile peeps, ept! but i've really observed how people actually worked together. talk about how people work together at church (or is it just me? don't get me wrong, i don't intend to single out some, it's always a challenge when church is not an organisation, and for all it worths, it's for this very reason that people need to submit to Christ first and foremost as the head of the church. in fact, church is not an organisation, always level down the expectations, and strive for being faithful to God).

the result of the best employer survey was presented at the team meeting today, PA is a high performing employer, with 70% of engagement level across the company (i think it means that 70% of the employees are seeing it helpful to be willing to participate in the survey). it was the best employer in 2001 for a small company category (less than 300 employees perhaps). personally the bottom line that i feel is true of this company is that the management team is trustworthy and valuing the employees. i don't think we are a vibrant bunch of people at all, in fact we're pretty laid back, but the less controlled management style can be best when you are working with people who understand their roles well to perform together.

ps. anyone experienced something useful that could possibly be helpful for implementation at the church level?

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sleepy down the cubicle

the same thing that caleb experienced yesterday just happens to me today. i've chomped down an apple, emptied 100ml of apple juice, didn't work. my head's been dozing off since this morning, and counting, not twice, but more than twenty times (must be!). i've been going back and forth the toilet in the hope of waking myself up, but ended up enjoying the trip so i could get a minute or two of eyes deliberately closed down. i haven't slept well for two nights. my brain just shut down the broad day light despite i can still walk but not attentively aware of my surroundings. i almost finish part of the mock design that's needed for the mini deadline this wednesday. precisely, i don't care too much. i am tired.

i know i needed a break. i've just asked for my annual leave for two weeks in this early oct, despite the project due date. my manager approves it. i consider myself lucky to have a manager who's that easy going and earning respect from people. my eldest bro and sis-in-laws will be coming for holidays. we've planned to travel interstate with my other bro and sis-in-laws. i know i'll be enjoying it. these bunch of peeps just know how to look after one another (their own family at least).

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little caleb

20 mins ago as i typed on this entry, caleb was having his lunch. it wasn't his normal schedule, things were running late. and so, as he was being fed on solids, a couple of times mom found him dozing off, leaning on his forehead toward the high chair's desk extension. his eye-lids were puffy and he was totally helpless to wait till lunch was over, and i just couldn't resist that look, so cute and helpless at the same time, but all the way very calm, until the last minutes, he finally screamed off! very human being indeed.

pic: caleb with ciuciu (uncle) enjoying the briskly weather at the coogee beach. caleb laughs the most when playing with ciuciu.

ps. caleb is a happy tot nowadays. he turned 1 year-old about two weeks ago, pray that he grows up to be a big-hearted God-fearing gentleman.

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bowling for (an) apron

surely muri knows her turf well. an apron! she doesn't even cook.

a red hot one in color. there goes my extra $5 to play the final round. zelda won. it was good fun! i mean, we went bowling together in mascot last sat.

bottom line is i'm seeing my chiro next month, though i have mentioned that i wouldn't.

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deja vu NOT

i found myself reading again the pursuit of holiness by jerry bridges. it was four years ago when i first read it. i've ever rarely read a same book twice, simply because there are so many good books out there that vie for your attention. i think i pick this book again mostly because it helps to remind me that without holiness, no one will see God (hebrews 12:14). i'm fooling myself in thinking that my walk is as smooth as long as i read the bible, pray, and fellowship while all the more i fail to put God's word into practice, to surrender to God whole-heartedly and to be accountable in my walk with a fellow believer. i'm reminded that the pursuit of holiness is God's providence but human's responsibility at the same time.

this time however, i'm stunned by a particular chapter that speaks volume to what i'm going through recently and the intricateness that comes from being in a part of a fellowship of saints but sinners at the same time. i'm quoting somewhat long chunks and several of them.

Bitterness toward people is the result of an unforgiving spirit.
Someone has wronged us, either apparently or actually, and we refuse to forgive
that person. Instead we harbor thoughts of bitterness toward the person. We
refuse to forgive because we will not recognize that God has forgiven us of far,
far greater wrongs. We are like the servant who, having just been forgiven a
debt of several million dollars, had a fellow servant thrown into a prison over
a debt of a few dollars (Matthew 18:21-35).

Closely akin to bitterness is the spirit of retaliation. When we
are wronged, the tendency is to retaliate - often in our minds if not in
actions.
...

Paul wrote, "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's
wrath, for it is written: "It is Mine to avenge, I will repay," says the Lord"
(Romans 12:19). Peter said of our Lord, "When they hurled their insults at Him,
He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats. Instead, He
entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly" (1 Peter 2:23).
...

One of the most difficult defilements of spirit to deal with is the critical spirit. A critical spirit has its root in pride. Because of
the "plank" of pride in our own eye we are not capable of dealing with the
"speck" of need in someone else. We are often like the Pharisee who, completely
unconcious of his own need, prayed, "God, I thank you that I am not like all
other men" (Luke 18:11). We are quick to see - and to speak of - the faults of
others, but slow to see our own needs. How sweetly we relish the opportunity to
speak critically of someone else - even when we are unsure of our facts. We
forget that "one who spreads strife among brothers" by criticizing one to
another is one of the "six things which the Lord hates" (Proverbs
6:16-19).

All of these attitudes defile us and keep us from being holy before God.
They are just as evil as immorality, drunkenness, and debauchery. Therefore, we
must work diligently at rooting out these sinful attitudes from our minds. Often
we are not even aware our attitudes are sinful. We cloak these defiling thoughts
under the guise of justice and righteous indignation. But we need to pray daily
for humility and honesty to see these sinful attitudes for what they really are,
and then for grace and discipline to root them out of our minds and replace them
with thoughts pleasing to God.

ps. i've always wanted to read john chapman's a sinner guide to holiness. i bought one a year ago, but ended up giving it away. i'm thinking this will be next on the menu. a colleague at work also lends me a fiction, one of the same author of sophie's world. i rarely read fiction, i think variation will be an excitement this time.

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beer and bible, the best of buddies?

two days ago i was watching the news on channel ten. and the pub church was on air (yes, it's run by an evangelical church!). craig roberts was seen as wearing the leather-looked jacket with blue jeans and the peeps were sitting with beers on the tables, mostly young adults.

a couple of months ago, this news ("Jesus walks into a bar") made it in the smh.
two years ago, an article was also published in the bbc uk, entitled the "pub worship".
a snippet on carson's thought before he published his book 'becoming conversant with the emerging churches'.
heard of the name mark driscoll ? (nope? neither do i ;)

every now and then, we hear more often of the term the emerging churches, trying to reach out to those generation Y who otherwise might not have made the steps into a church building.

any thoughts on the emerging churches? will the means justify the ends? i am still confused, with many means to reach out, is pub church considered as an emerging church? (perhaps not, a variant of the means, but not in term of the theology held).

1 Cor. 9:19-23

19Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone,
to win as many as possible. 20To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews.
To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not
under the law), so as to win those under the law. 21To those not having the law
I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am
under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. 22To the weak I
became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all
possible means I might save some. 23I do all this for the sake of the gospel,
that I may share in its blessings.

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un-random musing *

i believe in no coincidence for the things that happen. i met a lady in her mid thirties on my way to the women equip conference this year. she asked for a direction to the darling harbour convention hall. so i asked if she perhaps was attending the conference, to which she said yes.

i meet her again several times now as i sometimes travel by bus to work. and so we mostly talk as the bus is travelling. she is an indo, has two kids, lives in eastwood, works in IT field in st. leonards, enjoy photography and soya-candles making, goes to ccc in milson pt.

there have been a few occasions where i bumped into a person whom i've never known properly at the first place, but somehow i get to know them because i keep meeting them at places. there have also been some things mentioned about (or things that occur, keywords that come out) to which i find them to be strange yet no coincidence as they happen in such repetitive manner.

any terms to describe this?

ps. at times, i feel there are certain type of people with whom i can talk with easily (click) because they are attentive at the first place. i find it rather frustrating that some conversations are just floating on the surface, without any proper subjects being raised or discussed, a little laughter here and there, and then things just puff up (and off course i don't mean that every convo has to be deep and meaningful, there are places for this as well, provided that you've known the person for a while). i enjoy talking in a small group though i myself am not very good at initiating one. i appreciate people who can talk 'properly' and with respect. i think a lot of this is due to the way we women relate by communicating ideas or issues as compared to men relate by doing something together.

* for the sake of the content of this post.

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can you hear it?

ehem, ok, for sure, that's not my voice.. (and i think it's kinda weird to make it an entry as a prayer wishlist ;) nevertheless, not when you ask for what's in the song to be lived out in you!). but surely jenny is blessed with a music giftedness to be a blessing for others. the song that you're listening to is custom-tailored and sung by Jenny for our church retreat as a theme song! i didn't manage to place an mp3 player in this blog, at least not now. permission granted.

SENT OUT
By Jenny Susanti

He left behind the glory of heaven’s majesty
Obedient to the Father, became a son of man
Rejected and despised, they nailed Him to a cross
Sent to do the Father’s will

He conquered death, He’s risen in glorious victory
We’re called and chosen to do His will
To reach to hearts and hands with the love of Christ
And oh Lord we pray

Chorus:
Let Your Spirit within us
Enable us to live for You
Be sent out to the world
In Jesus’ name
Lord, here I am, send me!

ps. got enough of jenny's already? just close me down, it won't hurt.
hang on, you may as well leave a message to give jenny a pat at the back :)

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my mind is not here..

it really is a s.l.o.w. day at work today.. gah! (and it ruins my appetite to carry on). it's so easy to be distracted these days as well. i need to focus (i do!).

as much as i want things to finish sooner, the app keeps falling over (somewhat unreliable, despite the capacity to do cool things), my machine slows down for no apparent reason.. less than perfect world it's.

lucky i'm not having that neck problem these past few days. i've been excercising. i may stop seeing my chiro (unless i get a major unexpected one some time in the future). yay!

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you've got to love stats..

for some reasons, i think i'm a Sensing type that relies quite heavily (66% of the time ;) on processed data before taking a step. i like details to be handy before anything, and sometimes it can be time consuming before i know what to do next. i don't fancy too much venturing into the unknown (by the sound of it, a pretty boring being i'm :).

anyhow, here are the 2006 census results (for those interested a.k.a. the super organized freaks, no, i'm kidding!) :

a snapshot of the 2006 census

we're ageing, earning more

"Christianity remains strong, with 12.7 million Australians identifying
themselves as Christians. But non-Christian religions are growing at a faster
rate; the proportion of the population of Christians fell from 71 per cent in
1996 to 64 per cent last year."

ps. it appears reasonable to find out (get to know) a person before looking at opportunities to share your faith. and many times the whole effort is just frustrating, but not wasting.

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modesty survey

i've never really quite understood the extend of struggles men are constantly battling in the area of purity up until this point. even though to a certain degree i can symphatise or feel the sting (as i think most women are not totally free from sexual temptations either), i have to say that the results of this survey are quite an eye-opener!

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one fine day

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E-mail avalanche seeks obscenity ruling on the Bible

"Under the law, if the Bible is classified as an indecent publication, it would have to be distributed with a warning and in sealed packaging."

ho hum.

ps. there're some interesting comments inside.

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on a day like this..

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Comment on how each of the following passages contribute to a Biblical understanding of worship: John 4:16-26; Romans 12:1-2; Colossians 2:16-3:17.

Worship is by and large an initiative of God that through His Son’s dying on the Cross, made possible God’s people to respond to Him in faith through a life of worship. To Worship is to “engage with God on the term that He proposes and in the way that He makes possible”. Worship starts with a proper understanding of who God is and what He has done for us in Christ. The Bible thus has a great deal to say about worship, what it’s all about and how we are to worship God properly.

Jesus fulfilled the OT; therefore to worship God is to come to God through Christ, rather than meeting God at a particular place (i.e. the temple or the church building). Jesus’ respond to the Samaritan woman gives a whole new dimension of how God is to be worshipped, in spirit and in truth[1]. Since Jesus came to Earth, the significant of Jerusalem as a place where the Jews were to come to worship God has no bearing anymore in term of the particularity of a place where Christians are to worship God[2].

To worship God in spirit means to acknowledge Jesus as God and live accordingly. At the heart of true worship is the work of the Holy Spirit in transforming our hostile mind toward God into acknowledging the truth that Jesus is the only way to God and then submitting our life under Him. Worship needs to be in truth and Jesus is the truth as Jesus made God known to us.

Paul in Romans 12:1-2 sums worship as the offering of our whole life lives in remembrance on God’s mercy. Worship is a respond to God who has redeemed us in Christ by surrendering our mind and body in obedience to God in all aspects of life.

Worship involves our mind and is rational rather than merely an avenue of emotional high. A renewed mind is involved and it is no longer in accordance with the ways of the world. It also matters what we do with our bodies so that they are the instruments for God’s glory than self-gratification.

In Colossians 2:16-23, Paul emphasizes on the sufficiency of Christ over men-made regulations and observances. Worship is far from applying these seemingly wise human devised rules so as to diminish the sufficiency of Christ. Rather, it means focusing on God Himself who has raised us in Christ in putting off the old self[3] and putting on the new self[4]. This is only possible because our old self is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Jesus is who we are to copy as we hate the sinful acts and relates to others the way God treats us[5]. Worshipping God also puts God’s people into service toward one another as we speak His word when meeting together for edification[6]. As we worship, we ought to thank God through Christ in all that we do and say[7].

In conclusion, worship is to God only and is only made possible by Christ. God revealed how He is to be worshipped in His word. The Spirit enables us to worship God by working out God’s truth in our life and empowering us to live in it.

[1] John 4:23-24 [2] John 4:21 [3] Col. 3:5, 8-9 [4] Col. 3:10 [5] Col. 3:12-14 [6] Col. 3:16 [7] Col. 3:17

References:
Holy Bible, New International Version.
Roberts, Vaughan. 2002. True Worship. Authentic Lifestyle.

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the unchartered spanish in the wee hours of the morning

this is why i don't learn spanish..

i was staying over at jasmine's last sat (per usual). that night however, she was trying to finish her spanish quiz through listening to the audio. it was after midnight, and for 1.5 hours, she eagerly listened from her earphones, over and over again, with volume turned almost full on.

and beside her laptop, i was half-awake, thinking to myself that i've never been so keen for once in my life on pursuing any interests on things so as to delve on the subject like there's no tomorrow.

i was wrong. it was the only half-truth. the other half turned out to be a silly cause that she mis-plugged the earphones to the supposedly jack. we laughed for half an hour once she realised that, admitting that she thought the sound quality had been so clear that moment while all the time the audio came out from her laptop's speakers than the earphones! i could have grilled her for that as i'm a light sleeper, but i'm only a guest.

.. i've got the full load of it when i'm not ready!

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i bought another cd from sovereign grace the other day. it's great,
and there's one particular song that i've been listening to again and again, and somehow it stills gives me goosebumps.

the sample song and the lyric is here (Always Forgiven). it's so simple, yet so substantial.

ps. i'm feeling a bit sad.. somehow.

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"hey.. gorgeous!"

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now, i'm off to lunch..

here is a sneak peak at my weekends' schedules this week which i'm rather 'ashamed' of revealing due to the overcrowded plans. the idea is not about being busy. there are times when i'll choose to spend all by myself, a mini retreat of me and my books hopefully (nowadays, caleb will attack anytime he pleases).

today after 4.30 pm, leave the office, head off to the eastern suburbs, and the journey begins.

6 pm having dinner with pemuda who'll turn up to PAP, finishing about 2.5 hours later. being a nomads for the next two days, staying over at friends' places.

sat will start at 7 am for a swim, 9.15 am meeting with glorya for a couple hours of making banana cake (she will drive, off course), 12.30 pm having a bible study with the girls, 3.30 pm visiting the place of a work colleague who just moved to kingsford, 5 pm having pemuda service (will try to drag andrew along, i bet a slim chance of success unless i promise him lobster, which i never will), 7.30 pm having dinner with pemuda peeps. 11 pm finally time to shut my body off.

sun will start at 7 am again getting ready for sunday service, 9.30 am meeting with vera if she can make it, 10.45 am practising for the songs that bible study members will sing while visiting the nursing home in redfern next sat. 1 pm having lunch with anyone who wanna come along, 3.30 pm heading back to the north, ends of a nomads' life.

and in betweens, i'll have a backpack weighing 2.5-3 kg that i'll probably carry around anytime.. (God bless my back!)

ps. i had my chiro yesterday. things're getting better (i hope). it's now going through a maintenance period of one visit per month. apparently, my right leg is a tad shorter than the left one still. the whole body is adjusting..

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stupid alex is a pain in the neck,
alas, he could be a computer programme..

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• i received an email from tri three days ago, mentioning that she would be confirmed next month. she decided that cn-ity is the way to go for her. praise the Lord for keeping her faith in Him! tri also made a slight mention re rose for her courage to do a short-term in mexico. good on you, rose! all in all, may God who works through people be glorified.
• it's not easy to encourage non-cns surround you to consider Christ. some common reasons thrown are 'all religions are just the same', 'i'm not into religious stuffs', 'not now, thanks!', [showing sign of 'death' ones without proper response]. many times i run out of ideas and slip back instead. fishing takes patience and courage.
• despite the great priviledge we have as cns to come to God in prayers, many find it unusual to pray together in small groups. it's a good indicator that the small group prayer time after the service at pemuda works!
• the past two weeks, i have been the recipient of people's generosity on random occasions at workplace. a free lunch, a free voucher, a free prepaid credit for mobile phone - a strange world it is, though some weren't without a reason, i guess. another reason for me to learn to share.

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dude, i'm awake!

i just drank a cup of cappucino, undeliberately. oh no!

i meant to pass it to my brother as i was making it for him. he was stopping by my workplace for an interview this morning. but he was kinda in rush while i was talking to a person. so, not wanting to spoil it, i took it and ..

already, i feel like it's taking control of my brain now to the point that my heart's pumping faster and faster and i'm kinda feeling too 'awake' in a weird way!

but i guess, it's also because these past few days, i was working a wee tat beating your brow harder for a deadline next week (sorry, i am exagerrating!) that my sleep pattern is a bit disrupted, so i don't have to do it on saturday if i don't need to. plus that paint ball tomorrow is rather chickening me out for some reasons. now that i can't cancel it, i'll have to finish things off today. catch 22!

i'm gonna swim it all till it wear off tonight! the caffein.. i really need that sleep tonight for half a day of induced joyful pain (or maybe not so joyful) tomorrow.

ps. i don't drink coffee, the caffein will not put me to sleep for a night or two..

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this thing called family

my sister-in-law is so damn good at cooking!

yet despite, she is humble enough not to admit that everytime we all seem to agree on it. tonight, she's making us noodles (the medan-ish style), and it didn't take me by surprise due to the consistency of the taste so far.

i'm thinking at times that, sooner or later, it won't be easy for me to have to live apart from my siblings (and their spouses). i'm rather spoilt at the moment.

andreas, my brother-in-law, he is sorta of a mr. fixer at home. and besides, he sends me to work everyday. and he plans.

my sister, i thought she is living it, showing what it means to be on your own. without her, it would be too much of a challenge the first time i arrived in sydney.

my brother, he has been growing up a lot! i didn't see him for two years, and these days, he is rather a gentleman, part of it due to his being married. he just treated me like his girl friend as we flied back together to indo for his wedding, paying for the taxi's fare, carrying my heavy luggage, arringing for the tickets at the counter, buying me dinner. i kinda ehem, enjoyed it ;) and he cooks well.

caleb is just so good at making you feel as if you're the most important person ever in the world! he just have that warmest smile to greet me (and other family members) everytime i come home. at times, he would leap in joy!

and me? i'm rather good at enjoying their services (and learning to thank God for them, and a bit of a clean freak at times).

hang on, i might as well revel at the thoughts of the rest of my family overseas.

i remember my eldest brother, he's always been the big brother for me. he showed his concern to mom while i was a teenager for having too many grey hairs! (i know..). everytime i am back to indo, he picks me up from the airport, always takes me to places for meals or else buys me take-aways, sends me to places (and concerns a lot if i insist on taking public transport).

my other sister-in-law, she's hospitable, and readily makes sure that i am not lacking in anything while staying in indo. she's at times chatty at her own class, and is a pleasure to get to know.

mom, she is an all-rounder! she cooks, bakes, sews, cuts her children's hair, looks after dad and everyone.

dad, he's really hard-working, and always gives advices.

i hope to see them in heaven.

ps. i'm afraid i'll be expecting too much from somebody to be a boyfriend later.

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we'll be relocating to another level at workplace. it'll take two weeks to settle things down. in the mean time, things are quite busy again for me. i heard from the fm1032's trivial trivia that a person who sleeps less is usually more organised with things. i'm rather a light sleeper than one who sleeps less. ideally, i'd love to sleep more had i been off a heavier class. it's a chicken and egg one, whether you are able to do more because you sleep less and thus more time, or exactly sleeping less means you're a better organised person. nevertheless, the hiatuses of thought keep me awake each morning.

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• a colleague joined ecomm for once last two weeks. hopefully he will keep on being open in considering cn-ity. he admitted that he wasn't into religion, no time for that at the moment. to him, all religions are the same. another colleague however, was very adamant on the whole thing despite not being at all clueless on cn-ity. however, as he is moving to kingsford, hopefully he can be introduced to some friends over the time. *
• finally, it was split second re-considering, will look forward to equip with my sis-in-law and a couple girl friends from pemuda.
• hatta, mariana and cynthia will be attending evening class next semester.

be praying for them.

* hoping that there may be a few female colleagues to get to know. even though cross-gender is to be avoided, i hope they will only be as far as points of contact.

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celebrate humanity

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in need of grace!

prince abubu

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the yogurt incident

think twice before feeding yogurt to your eight-month old

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very chocolatey indeed

my chocolate intake triples lately for some reasons. partly they are from the protein powder that i consume three times daily. these past three days, i've been having slices of mud log that i bought for bro's birthday the other day. and the guys (my manager and his younger brother) at work, they are selling those chocolates for fundraising (for his son's football club and church respectively)!

pattern is beautiful.. like chocolate is.. my blood sugar is on high, no doubt.

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lately..

thought i've always been enjoying a trip to a local library, even more if it's one with good interior design. to me, the experience is almost like hunting for things while shopping during a sale, which off-course i'm really bad at. can imagine my eyes are gleaming each time i enter such places as libraries or bookshops (i mean, how on earth could i say thing as such!).

nothing, just went to a local library again today after work, having in mind borrowing some materials of interest, but forgot my library card, so just read there for a while.

boy, was very distracted with the many resources inside, quite a spin for my poor brain and exhausted eyes..

it's.. complicated!

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random updates #270207

in case it has been a while, thought it'll be good to remind myself of some things happened in the past weeks.

• finally the workload is clear last week. thank God for His providence.
• i had lunch with a work-mate, who happened to ask re my weekend's activities. having found out that i'm a cn, he quickly made a comment, "are you trying to convert me?" to which i replied "no" (calmly and having no idea what to say but still praying for opportunities!). one thing i learn recently is that i suppose it's equally un-cn when all we care about is 'pushing our agenda' everytime we open our life to others (although i still think that i should make it my aim to witness Him in any way possible), as compared to genuinely being loving and interested in getting to know people at the first place. i thought there's a thin line *.
• a collegue was offering to give me some lessons on driving a car. yay! as we went for the first drive, she was really clear with her instructions.
• as i observed, i'm encouraged by the examples set by the girls in our bible study. thank God that they are consistently keen on meeting together to study the Bible despite their business with other church activities. thank God for the wisdom He grants us all to prioritise.
• a stranger lady that i commute occasionally with by bus has been acting a little.. strange (?). her action really does provoke me! as i noticed twice, i happened to choose a seat a row behind her, and as soon as i sat down, she moved a couple rows to the front. how rude is that? i'm not sure what's in her mind, but i suppose if she thinks that she's too irresistible to resist, she is way too off! i told you, it provokes me to think the she is less important a person, rather than learning to surrender everything to God who is just (if i sound like exagerrating, i have in mind those who suffer injustice at the hands of the irresponsible).

* perhaps this book by John Dickson (Promoting the Gospel - your whole life for the cause of Christ) is helpful to you as well. it's an easy read, a great companion while i was back in indo a couple months ago.

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feeling tender in my stomach

i've had a couple of tough ones at work after my leave. and to be honest, my spirit is a bit broken. interestingly, i am sustained by prayers throughout. i suppose this is life, there will be both good and not so good ones going on. yet despite which situation i'm in, i'm certain that God doesn't leave me. so, i hang on. and thank God for sustaining me. 3 down, and another one is on its way! (as if a pregnant woman, silly as it sounds).

on another note, i treat it as a 2nd installment on issue of persevering as a cn from om joni's talk last sunday. i am encouraged. perhaps i can tell you this, it's not always easy to be a cn, but surely there's joy and meaning of life in God. troubles shape, or would i rather be shipped out?

so that i wouldn't be without reasons, i think being busy with life is unavoidable, family, work, church activities, looking after yourself (and others where possible), nevertheless, God is much bigger than all of us. things can crammed us down, forgetting who should be the centre of our life. but when we don't have God, life is bleak, and troubles are there still.

my prayer is that i'm dependant on God, and therefore, He should help me to put life on perspective, not only looking in, but looking out to Him (and others). thing like these don't come to me naturally, i doubt myself. it's horrible what's inside my heart (where sins are harboured), but grace is amazing (forgiveness from God).

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60 Earth Hour

c'moen you..

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must blog

i haven't been feeling well since getting back. it's the fifth day in a row. it was getting better for a day on oscar & muri's wedding, and thought that i'll be fine then on.it turns out that the sickness relapses as soon as i got back home from the reception. very late last night, i remembered well the 'fly' effect of the cold tablets that i yet decided to take on for the final time (i've got to see a doctor tomorrow). i knew how restless i was physically, the tablets just helped to put me into sleep (forced gracefully if there are such words!). i'm having this really bad sore throat that send my voices into half-missing plus feeling feverish. it started out a day before my flight back to sydney from indo on monday. sis was having her cold a few days back. i was having too much in indo, activity-wise, and started falling sick. human being is limited (or rather i am).

i'm also feeling rather 'crap' spiritually. it has been kinda expected before i got back. my quiet times went limbo near the end, exposure to the surrounding environment made it worse, where people just don't worship God. their lifestyles could well restrict the amount of air you breathes in as a cn. learning to be godly is a life-long journey, somehow you suffocate a few times despite thinking that being one could have almost felt as natural as breathing in the same air while you're among the other believers. and so, here goes my extra baggage for the long-run, being a cn among the un-believers (and even among believers).

the first time i heard the one-liner "just be a cn!", i've always loved the sound of it, simple yet weighty, and having a capacity to spur. and off-course, if you are a cn yourself,you know it well and you live it out - the tensions of being one, in the world but not of the world. and yet, God's word called us to finish the race by persevering. Oh btw, in the event of my physical weakness (so i wouldn't spend half a day travelling back-forth had i attended the kingsford's service, than resting), i decided to attend the local macquarie chapel (presbyterian church) this morning, joining their family-friendly service. the talk was taken from 2 Tim. 4, having the topic of 'Finishing the Race'. before the talk, there were short interviews of a couple of peeps who were just back from a short-term mission to burma, followed by the video presentation of the team's activities, followed by prayers for little ones starting kindy or school, as well as one female going to bible college. it was encouraging (for being incognito as well, where you can just follow the service quietly :).

here goes my reflection for the past year! (i know, i'm cheating, and it's way too short and late).

PS. and here's goes my scary list for the weeks ahead: lots to do!

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